constant turmoil

Here’s the thing, people piss me off, hurt my feelings, I bite my tongue.

I am so consumed with not ‘rocking the boat’ I make myself miserable.  While this may be good for others, people whom I love and care for, for me it’s hell in a box.

A big box, a loud noisy and yet invisible in my head box.  I am so tired of trying to make everyone else happy meanwhile making myself miserable.  Now, there are exceptions to this rule.  There are some near and dear who I would make happy above all others and never think twice about it.

Why do we silence our innermost honest selves, to preserve the peace and happiness of those who make US unhappy?  Simply to be liked? To not be the asshole?

Why do I work so hard to not hurt the feelings of those people who supposedly love me and yet hurt me most?  I honestly do not know.

To not feel alone?  To keep the peace?  And yet, I’m the only one doing it, while everyone around me does whatever the fuck they want.

Such is my life this past week, and thanks for letting me vent blog!

How do I stop worrying so much about keeping others happy, when they aren’t concerned with my happiness all that much?

Any advice?  Please tell me!  Cause all I know is I gotta work on my ‘zen’.

kisses!

Jen

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